I keep bringing myself down for having high expectations because deep down inside, reality screams at me to wake the fuck up—it simply isn’t pragmatic to hope that I can reap the same results as others when I am putting in so much less effort than them.

I don’t mean that I’m not trying my best, it’s just that I can’t seem to bring myself to work as hard as my peers. maybe because I no longer see the point in doing so anymore, or maybe I am just inherently less capable than them. but everyday I fight a losing battle against myself. it’s bee n long since I stopped trying to find motivation, now it’s just forcing myself to sit in front of my desk and concentrate and hoping that the day passes quickly. well, at least this struggle is ending soon, right?

honestly, I’m not even convinced anymore that this journey would be worth it. the only reason why I haven’t given up yet is because I don’t want to have gone through 2 years of hell for nothing.

but what happens when your best just isn’t enough?


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