surviving on embers

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I recently realised that I’m dreading life. and I don’t know why it took me so long to know about something so important. what I do know is this: I am dreading life because I don’t have things to look forward to because I don’t have a purpose because I am not passionate about anything at all.

I am one who believes that humans need to exist for this purpose that is greater than themselves. therefore I find it sad that I still haven’t found my purpose, because I don’t want to simply exist. I don’t want to live life just surviving each day, hoping the next never comes because everything just becomes a boring routine that I am increasingly getting sick of.

I want to experience bright yellow happiness and jade green jealousy and pitch black fear and sea blue melancholy. I want to live life loudly and colourfully. I want to feel deeply for people and for things. I want to try every single thing that I have ever had the slightest interest in. I want to exhaust myself in the glorious pursuit of life.

I will not stop searching for my purpose until I find it. call me naive, but I don’t want to survive on embers; I want to burn through life like a fucking forest fire.

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